Recommended Books

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All Winners Are Losers

When looking for our own self-development we are often bombarded by slogans that claim to show us the ‘key to success’, or steps that can guarantee that we ‘win in life’, no matter what it is we want. But, can we be winners and, more importantly, should we strive to be winners?

Life is hard; from the moment you are born, gasping for your first breath, till the moment you die, gasping for your last. Life throws many obstacles, frustrations and tragedies at us. And most of us feel powerless to prevent or avoid what is being thrown at us. It seems only natural and right to want to overcome these unpleasant events: to surmount them, to rid our lives of them, to win. When searching for the winning formula, we find many self-proclaimed experts who tell us that if we do as they do we too can be a successful winner like them. They preach that we only need a ‘key’ or a technique to acquire a winner’s mentality to rid ourselves of failure. And, for a fee they’ll show us how!

Should we be following in the footsteps of these win-at-all-cost gurus? It's awfully tempting, especially when we see the lifestyle that these people claim to have; the big house, the flash car, the smart clothes and the big cheesy grin. For these people life seems to be an ordered, mapped out plan with success upon success, win after win. So, should we be striving to win everything, just like them? I think not.

When I look closely at one of these 'winning gurus', I can see that there is something about them that is missing. Sure, they have all the material possessions I don't have. They have that look of confidence that I know I don't have. Life is easy for them, whereas I find it a real struggle at times. That big, assured grin can't hide what is missing; their humanity. A human being will and must experience failure and loss. The first step in being a successful human being is to accept this.

Life can't be planned and mapped out. We can't win everything we desire. We delude ourselves if we believe this, and we delude others if we preach it. Life is chaotic and without rhyme or reason. There are times when we will lose. Being successful in life isn't about winning; it's about loosing, and how we deal with loss.

If you're serious about self development then forget about winning and concentrate on loosing. A loser can often be a more fulfilled and better person than someone who knows nothing but winning. You learn more about the human condition through loss than through winning. The strongest, best people I have ever met have been the ones who have lost a great deal, sometimes everything, but who have had the strength to accept their loss and still believed that life was something beautiful and worth living.

• Happiness from helping
  
  Re: "Happiness: Not a goal, a journey," News, Oct. 15. Recently there was an article regarding happiness in your newspaper. I would like to add an example of a recent very personally satisfying experience.
  


• 10 Steps To Happiness At Work
  
  It's not about finding the ''perfect'' job.
  


• Finding Interest, Again, in the Pride March
  
  I never knew June was Pride Month until I moved to New York in July of 2004 (from New Orleans, where I lived the life of a sheltered military brat).
  


• Local woman sees disaster as new opportunity
  
  Lynnette McKendell has had a long love affair with tea and after surviving hurricane Katrina, finding her mate and having a child, is now returning to her roots and becoming the areas tea guru.
  


• Loneliness can be lethal
  
  People who lack friends and relationships are just as likely to risk an early death as heavy drinkers and smokers.
  


• Finding a different type of happiness
  
  Humans tend to remember what they've done but tend to forget why exactly they did it.
  


• Camera showing boy who drowned found
  
  Camera that carried final images of boy with his family found downstream from accident.
  


• Summer Rerun: Is Thinking Going Out of Fashion?
  
  This post first appeared on May 11, 2007 I am beginning to suspect that many are reacting to the overstimulation of the modern world the accelerating pace of change, data overload, time pressure, work and relationship instability by turning off their brains. The rise of fundamentalism and the family values push, both efforts to [...]
  


• Today's youth want modest lifestyle: study
  
  They've got lucrative technological tools at their fingertips, but today's youth appear to crave a more modest existence, according to results of a new Canadian survey.
  


• Hospice Care of the Lowcountry provides end-of-life services
  
  All the nurses at Hospice Care of the Lowcountry hold the highest certification in end-of-life care. The staff provides custom services to patients and their families. Unlike many other hospices which are operated by private companies, it doesnt ask for donations and no one is turned away because of an inability to pay.